If I’ve said it once, I will most certainly say it again: It is not that hard to talk to a lady. It’s really not. When you talk to a woman, it’s best to do it with confidence, like you don’t expect her not to want to talk with you.

Also, as mentioned, keeping your nerves at bay and not stumbling over your words will score some major points. You have to have a cool confidence about you that will melt the hearts of even the coldest woman. And how do you get that cool confidence? It’s simple. You do this by believing you are a man who is worthy of a woman taking the time to have a nice little chat with you.

But, before you even begin to talk to a lady, the first task is to figure out if and when you should approach a woman. There are many times when you shouldn’t talk to a woman and that’s because she might already be taken or she is clearly not interested in talking to anyone at that particular time.

Checking for any signs of an engagement/wedding ring is a good idea. Also, if she’s looking a little closed off—arms crossed, pinched face or a scowl—it might be best to let this one go. It’s not a good idea to try and talk to someone who looks pissed off and obviously not in the mood for conversation. I mean, why bother? If she’s in a bad mood, she needs to keep to herself until she’s out of it.

Now, on the other hand, when a woman is ready for conversation, she will be more open with her body language. She might be sitting with her legs crossed, leaning forward and looking around the room. This is typically the sign of a woman who wants someone to talk to.

It’s always important to check out a woman’s body language. You can usually just tell if they are sociable and friendly just by the way they act. This shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. Just watch them for a few minutes to see if they are being receptive to others in the room and their environment.

Once you have figured out that it’s okay if you move forward, it’s time to look for signs from her to see if she’d like you to approach her. Of course, don’t bull your way in with your hand extended, shouting your name at her like you’re a door to door vacuum cleaner salesman. Just walk over, catch her eye and say something nice like, “Busy in here, tonight, isn’t it?” It’s really not that hard.

Okay, now let’s get back to looking for signs. The idea is to look for indicators that she wants to talk that are thrown in your direction. These indicators are a means of communication that don’t require actual words. They are usually what are referred to as body language and they vary from woman to woman. However, the fundamental basics are usually the same.

With that in mind, you need to also remember to keep your body language in check and not come on too strong. One thing to be conscious of is to not stare at her. This creeps women out. Just give her a few causal glances. Then try to catch her gaze. If and when you do, throw her a small smile and wait for her response.

Then turn back to your friends or coffee or whatever. (I mean, you could be in a bar, in a coffee shop or at the grocery store.) The point is to not overburden her with lecherous looks. The key is to let her know you are, in fact, in the world, and you are slightly interested in her.

Just interested. You’re taking the “whatever” approach and this simply means that whatever happens happens. If she responds well to you, whatever. If not, whatever. It’s all in the attitude. You’re a good, friendly guy and she’s a nice girl. It’s not like you’re going to ask her to marry you or anything. You just want to talk a little. And now you’re looking for a signs that it’s okay for you to approach her…

A sign could be:

  • A coy smile in your general direction.
  • She runs her hand through her hair or plays with it.
  • She stares at you then looks away quickly when she catches you staring back.
  • Her biting or licking her lips nervously.
  • And, obviously, she actually motions you over to her.

If you are getting any of these signs, then it’s time to walk over and talk to this woman. Take into account that there may be other signs and each woman will have her own way of letting you know that it’s okay to talk to her. Just keep your eyes open to any new opportunities.

It’s pertinent to point out that she will more than likely be just as nervous as you are about meeting someone new. Yes, you two are on the same page here.

Women want men to talk to them and they want to get approached. So, wouldn’t it stand to reason that she might be feeling a little nervous, too? Yes, it would. So, as you approach her, give her a nice smile to help disarm her nervousness. And, obviously, just be yourself. That’s all you have to do! Be yourself, smile and start talking. And, while you’re at it, put yourself at ease. I know the adrenaline might be pumping, but it’s important to override any fears you may have and just do the job of talking to the lady.

Next, you’re probably wondering what she is thinking. What’s going through her mind as you approach her? Usually, it’s the same kind of things that are on your mind and these will vary from “I hope he’s nice,” to “I hope I don’t make a fool out of myself,” to “I feel nervous and excited at the same time,” to “Stay calm and focused. He’s just a guy.”

Knowing this should help alleviate any anxiety about the situation you might have.

One way to look at it is that you’re starting out as friends. While I know that the “friend zone” isn’t a place most guys want to find themselves, keep in mind that this will help both of you relax and just get to know each other before you have to start thinking about asking for dates and all that.

This is how you have to start out in a conversation. Another way to look at it is this: If she thinks she’s in the friend zone, she’ll be ready to get out of it.